Crazy Cat Lady

Decided to go for Alanis/BNL. Here's why...

At the end of my senior year of high school, Alanis was coming to town and everybody and their dog had tickets to the show, even all my old English teachers. And well, I was poor, and my parents couldn't afford to lend me money for the tickets, so at the time it seemed like I was the only one not going. So I'm making up for that.

Also, Barenaked Ladies put on an awesome show. I saw them a few years back with Michelle B. and we had such an awesome time. I really like their music, which was a plus, but I mean, it was a show. Completely entertaining. Laughed my ass off. So I think this is gonna be fun times.

I'd also like to add that my decision had nothing to do with the fact that both groups are Canadian.

I can only afford one concert this summer. Should I go to.....

a) No Doubt/Blink-182

b)Barenaked Ladies/Alanis Morissette

I was considering Dave Matthews as an option, but since I've seen them like 13 times and they're ticket prices went up to like 58 a pop before fees, I decided to wait til next tour.

So help me out kids. And reply soon!!!! Thanks!! Oh, and please no lectures on my musical tastes. Yes, I know, far more superior musical choices out there, but I wanna see these bands.

The end of the semester is near. The excitement of the coming summer warms my heart. The workload for my classes does not.

I had to give a presentation of about 15 minutes on anything I wanted to my class on Tuesday. Since I've got so much stuff to do both for school and work, I've been looking to cut corners here and there. So I dug out my work from study abroad last year and resurrected my presentation in French on dreams.

Now I gave that speech (or, "expose" en francais) twice last year - once for my classes in Paris, once for my classes in Aix, and both only had to be around 10 minutes, but that included time for questions. Well, when I pulled the sucker out and read it, slooooooowly, it came in at 7 minutes. So scrambling for more information to add, I came across the fact that if we suppress stuff during the day, more than likely it will come out in our dreams. I shoulda known this, right?

It made sense because as much as I hate to admit it, the Canadian is still a part of my thoughts. And earlier I ranted about hating my dreams because I was doing so good trying to block him out during the day, but he'd show up in my dreams. One week I had a dream about him four nights in a row. Now I know why. So after this discovery of information, I tried thinking about him again, which sucked, but it's not as painful as it was before. Thank you, Jesus.

Well, my friend Kristi and I are looking to move to Fullerton and she found a 3br she was gonna look at this week, but we would have to find a 3rd roomate. Well, my only Canadian related dream that night was that we found a girl to be our 3rd and she happened to be a canuck. And this was a relief because usually any dreams of Canadians involve him and his undying desire to be in my presence, which is very much not the case at all. So it was nice for once not to wake up with that on my mind.

Unfortunately though, Project: Canadian Distraction isn't going as hoped. I had two candidates for the primary role. The first to me was the most desirable because not only was he hot, but didn't want kids. But he didn't ever call. It's been three weeks. The second was less desirable because he lives in the 619 which is too far from me, but he said he was up in the OC all the time. However, me and my posse went the same bar I met him at last Saturday and ran into his friend who informed me that the dude's gotta girlfriend down there in San Diego. Bastard. I swear. I'm surprised I'm not a total les by now.

So anyway, there's the update. As much as I'm discouraged, it's not gonna prevent me from getting back on the horse. I just hope my peasant in shining armor comes along soon because man, do I need the distraction.

51. Risk of postpartum (see www.dooce.com)

=)

50 Reasons Why I Don't Want Children

1. Nine months without drinking
2. Nine months without roller coasters
3. If I smoked, I'd have to give that up for nine months
4. Sore titties
5. Sore cooch
6. Morning sickness
7. Cleaning up various colors of sh**
8. Cleaning up various consistencies of vomit
9. Hemorroids (sp?)
10. Having to spend money on someone other than myself
11. The inability to take spontaneous trips to Vegas or anyplace else in the world
12. Being forced to play lame baby shower games at my lame baby shower
13. Investing in diapers
14. Changing diapers
15. Disposing diapers
16. PTA meetings
17. Soccer games/practices/snack rotation
18. Having to give up the two seater convertible I will one day own (preferably in the form of a Honda S2000)
19. The inability to nap in my spare time
20. The investment in toys (other than for sexual pleasure)
21. Having to save money for college education(s)
22. Having to vacuum up cracker crumbs off the floor of my car
23. Having to deal with childhood sickness
24. Middle of the night feedings
25. Paying for babysitters
26. Acquiring babysitters
27. Not being able to swear
28. Having to force medicine down a kid's throat as they fight you with all their force
29. Possible custody battles
30. Adding a lot more weight to my already tubby frame
31. Having to give up work for maternity leave
32. Use of a breast pump
33. Becoming one of those stoller-pushing bitches at Disneyland/the mall/venue of choice
34. Money for braces/retainer, etc
35. Money for lessons
36. Money for band instruments (though it's highly doubtful I'd let my kid join the band anyway)
37. Taking a needle to the spine for delivery anesthesia (sp?)
38. The potential episiodemy (and if you boys out there don't know what that is, well, I'll be nice and not tell you)
39. Giving up space in my car for a carseat
40. Passing on my neuroses (sp?) to some poor bastard who didn't ask to be brought into this world
41. Passing on my physical genes to the same poor bastard
42. The noise
43. The pain of delivery
44. The discomfort of pregnancy
45. The cost of delivery and pregnancy
46. Having to drag a screaming kid out of the toystore/Thomas the Tank Engine store etc, when it's time to go home while everyone turns around and stares at you
47. Not able to spank my kid when it acts up without it being called child abuse
48. Staying up late, worrying when the kid doesn't come home on time
49. Having to listen to friends/family members tell me how I should raise my child
50. Not being able to get laid soon after popping the thing out

A good friend of mine (we'll call her Martha just in case she wishes not to be exposed) faces a dilemma, or as she likes to call it - the Boyfriend Bomb. Martha's had a boyfriend for a good time now, and while they are a committed couple, Martha's relationship allows her to spend time without a tag-along boyfriend going eveywhere she does, thus allowing her a night out with the girls here and there. (I love Martha's boyfriend and her for not being one of those couples.) Now unfortunately though, without the boyfriend present, when Martha goes out, the gentlemen she encounters assume she's a swinging single.

Now here's the problem - if she drops the boyfriend bomb early in the conversation, she runs the risk of being 86'd out of the conversation with a guy, because she's no longer on the market for him, so he's going to drop his convo with her for the next possibly available girl. (Which is understandable for the guy, but it sucks for Martha.) But if she drops the boyfriend bomb late, she runs the risk of getting the guy all fired up, thinking he's got a chance with her, then bam, "I have a boyfriend."

So whatever is my Martha to do? Is there a happy medium? Have any of you out there experienced this and can offer up some advice? I don't want Martha to have a crappy time when she goes out with the gals and get left out while we're all trolling. Plus, I need her. She plays wingman for me. So please, share your wisdom.

Also.....though things are very pre-mature, there's a good chance that I met the guy that will head up Project:Canadian Distraction. Supposedly, we're going to hang out in two weeks, but I'm not counting on anything until the Can Can starts ringing on my cell with a (626) number. We'll see. More to follow.

I had a paper due last Thursday in my French conversation class. He gaves us a list of several topics that we could write on, and while alcohol was my first choice, I instead decided to write about my faults because I know I have a lot of material with which to work. Then he told us he was giving us five bonus points for reading to the class. So all you kids who read my blog are no longer part of the priviledged group that knows what a freak I am, now my entire class is part of the club. (But now that I think about it, most who meet me know I'm nuttier than squirrel crap.) So I present to you my freewrite on mes defauts.

>>I hate it when people ask me, "Why don't you have a boyfriend, Kristy?" Often I respond with, "I don't have the time" or "I don't know why" or "I don't want one." But the truth? It's probably due to my faults. For example, I'm lacking patience and responsiblity. I don't like children and I laugh when they trip and fall. I eat too many desserts and I drink too much vodka. I like to watch shows without substance, like The OC, Elimidate and Days of our Lives. I have road rage, and I swear at people who drive like crap. I often forget things, like last night I forgot to read for my French Civilization class (that was my way of telling Najib not to call on me next class). I like to make fun of people. Especially people like Ryan Seacrest and Jessica Simpson, and people who sing bad at kareoke. But me? I sing bad, too. I never save money and I always spend a lot of it on booze, clothes and DVD's. I'm always late. Even though I have two young nephews, I never babysit for my sister. I know that I should go to church on Sunday, but after having gone out Saturday night, I always like to sleep in the next day. I'm too cheap to have my car washed and too lazy to do it myself, so the car stays dirty until I can't see through the windshield. Although I brush my teeth, I have a lot of cavities due to my love of sugar and hatred of the dentist. Furthermore, I don't have any money for dental insurance, but I have plenty for a weekend in Vegas. I realize that I have several poor qualities, but I promise I have one or two good ones.<<

So there it is, a short list indeed, but my teacher said it was very good. Keep in mind it reads simple in English, but there's some very tricky French grammer in that bad boy. Now if I only knew English grammer. Now that I think about it, is it grammer or grammar?? Too lazy to look it up.

When I went into work this morning, I was just about to print a sign that read April Fools Jokes with a circle and slash around it, when my boss dropped off our daily newsletter celebrating the day with a "find the mistakes" contest. He said there was a prize for those who found them all. It was ok if you found more than there were, but he kept giving it back if you didn't find them all. So I just highlighted the whole sheet and wrote, you said it was ok if we found more than there were, right? He ended up buying us all lunch, which was cool. So thanks, Jack. You're not an April Tool.

And praise Jesus that I escaped without any douches trying to pull one over on me. So far.