Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Dancing with the Tards 

Ok, so I'm happy to report that I have successfully transferred out of lazy mode. This weekend I cleaned my pig sty, paid bills, groomed my eyebrows, stalked the Canadian, visted my folks, did laundry, studied French (very little though), took mom and sister to see The Nanny Diaries, returned some emails.....all of the things I was avoiding on my lazy ass list of things I should be doing, and then some. I even went back to the gym tonight to attend my dance class (and lust after trainer).

I love this dance class. I've blogged before about how much I love it and how much I love the teacher, Julie. She is just cool people. What I don't love is the people in the class. It's a hip hop class and pretty popular, so the room is always packed. I generally get there early to stake out a place in line so that I can get a decent spot. But without fail, some skank or two always comes in like five to ten minutes after class starts and instead of doing the considerate thing and going to the back of the room, they wedge their talentless ass somewhere in the middle, usually right in front of me. And of course they stand so close so that there's not enough room to get a sufficient groove on as one should in a hip hop class. Its like I have a sign on my forehead that says, "Hey bitches! Here's a spot right here. Please invade my personal space! Oh and feel free to run into me from time to time because you're too retarded to get the routine right." Some amazon beast damn near mowed me down on the way in to class tonight. She took her giraffe ass and placed it directly in front of my little 5'4" body leaving no space in the mirror for me. There used to be this one guy (yes, guys take hip hop, too) who was the most rhythm-less retard I had ever laid my eyes on. He was one of the few straight guys to take the class which probably explains his lack of dance ability. But dear lordy this guy was bad. And he must have liked my tits bouncing around or something, because always always always this guy would end up in front of or next to me. Even when I tried to move across the room, he was there, tripping all over himself and inhibiting my need to get down and get funky. Now I know that not everyone can fancy themselves a Paula Abdul or Mario Lopez. But seriously, if you can't keep a beat then take your shit to the back of the room and let me do my thang!!!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Lazy ass 

I have been unforgivably lazy as of recent. I don't know what it is about summertime that makes all of my brain functioning go into hibernation, but I have had seriously low levels of productivity the last couple of weeks. Right now I should be cleaning my sty (understatement) of a bedroom and bathroom. I could also be brushing up on my French, doing my budget, washing clothes, stalking the Canadian, grooming my eyebrows, returning emails...a whole laundry list of crap I have no desire to tackle. I could be at the gym right now lusting after my trainer and burning serious cal, but no. I am confident that my 5k performance next week will be lackluster at best.

Last week I watched the entire second season of Rome in two days. Then the next two days at work I read all of the message boards on IMDB about Rome to feed my new obsession. One because Roman history fascinates me. The other because the sex scenes are quality and it has become my new porn. (James Purefoy is next to perfection.)

I suffered from this disease of laziness last summer. Same symptoms....skipping my dance class for reasons other than school or nookie, hours upon hours of television watching (last year was Project Runway), and no motivation to do anything remotely practical that would benefit me.

If anyone has any remedy for me other than time, please write. And hopefully you'll get a response back sometime in the next 6-8 months.

Monday, August 06, 2007

I know you're all dying to know... 

What the hell have I been doing over summer vacation??

I have been quite busy. Killing brain cells does actually take up a good deal of time. And I fully deserve to do a heavy amount of goofing off as my last academic year was pretty taxing and the upcoming one should be nothing less. August finds me a tad more serious and reflective. Starting to focus on some major changes that could be taking place in my life. But up until now, what the F have I been doing? Well, I'll tell ya...

-Playing bridesmaid in my cousin's very elegant wedding at the Firestone family estate in Los Olivos. I got to play with Andrew Firestone's dogs, which wasn't the only highlight, but it was a thrill for my starstruck ass.

-Frequently visiting the dentist to have all my shoddy silver fillings replaced with white ones. I had a little crush on my dentist until I found out today that he has a chick. I guess I oughta quit fantasizing about him drilling a different cavity of mine. Heh heh.

-Spending quality time with my nephews. This usually results in me having to watch them and all the neighborhood kids swim in my parents' pool, but that's okay because I have gotten a lot of awesome drawings of the Eiffel Tower in return that I will one day hang proudly in my classroom.

-Going down to SD for the weekend to watch the Padres slaughter the Red Sox. Though we never actually made it to the seats we paid double for, the company at the bar was well worth the trip.

-Applying for and failing to acquire a French teaching position for next year. There aren't that many to begin with, and most schools want you to speak a third language on top of your other two. Unfortunately pig latin and vulgarity are the only other ones I'm qualified to teach and they aren't in any current curriculum that I've found thus far.

-Actively contemplating the possibility of not getting a teaching job next year and **GASP** sucking it up and student teaching instead. For those not in the know, student teaching = working full-time for free. So I'll need to find an alternative source of income. Does anyone know of any pimps with a comparable 401(k) and benefits package?

-Ruining relationships. Well, one relationship anyway. And I'll swear til my grave that it was unintenional and I am completly remorseful for my participation. And that's all I have to say about that.

-Apparently developing an affinity for mugshots. I seem to have a new one up every few days as my default MySpace pic, but I can't help it, they just make me laugh. I'm sure it won't be long before that sloppy excuse for a mother Britney Spears has a sweet one complete with Cheeto-toothed grin.

-Distantly stalking the only man I would willingly let impregnate me. He played lacrosse again this summer, giving me a fresh source for pics and info. Unfortunately though his team got wiped out of the playoffs, so I've been cutoff. Oh well, it won't be too long before our next "chance" encounter. It's a complete coincidence, I tell ya.

-Training for a 5K that I'm running at Disneyland over Labor Day weekend. Actually, I should rephrase that. Memo will be running it. I will be trying to keep up with Memo. My vodka consumption levels this summer will more than likely keep me at my extremely slow and steady pace, doubling over in exhaustion after the first mile. Hitting the wall at mile two.

-Eagerly planning my next summer's vacation. It was going to be a return to Europe for a brief study in France before sauntering down through Italy and catching a boat around the Greek Islands. Well, with my impending joblessness, I don't think I could save enough scratch for all that jazz. So plan B. Instead, I'm gonna move to Montreal for a month to six weeks, and road trip the shit out of it there and back. I'll catch Route 66, pass through Chicago and pick up or drop off Michelle, then coming home I'll trip through the eastern seaboard, and pick up I40 home with a slight detour through New Orleans. (Perhaps also an overnight in Dallas, wink wink?) I might also have to make a side trip to Toronto for another purely coincidental encounter. Heh heh.

So as you can see I've been keeping myself occupied. In my attempts to conserve spending for the upcoming year, I'm going to downshift for the next month or so. I have a handful of Angels games I've purchased earlier in the year that I'll be attending and a couple of other previously scheduled commitments, but that's about it. There may be a party date on the horizon in late Sept to celebrate the commencment of my last year as a twenty-something as well as the end of my sanity before the next school year, so keep an eye out. Til then, party on Wayne.

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