Saturday, July 31, 2004

And what it all comes downs to....is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine 

They were all I've been needing.

All the stress I've been dealing with over work, school, exams, love, trying to move, life in general....washed away with just one show.

So here's to Alanis and the Ladies. You totally rocked my world last night.

I can't believe I was even considering not going to this show. Not only was it so much fun, and so entertaining, but it gave me a chance to just unwind, forget about everything going on in my life and relax.

They may not be everyone's idea of what great music is, but ya know what? A lot of the time I think how music makes you feel is what makes it great. And just about every song last night did something for me. I bitched earlier about wanting the bitter Alanis. But man, this one was so great. She is so beautiful and so full of energy. She even dedicated "You Oughta Know" to me. Ok, well not really, but it was cool that all of us were singing along to it and knowing every word because that song was our anthem at some point in our lives.

And the Ladies. They never cease to amaze me. I will never miss them again when they pass through my neck of the woods. Their music is just good old feel good music. And I love that. And I love them. And even though I am currently on a Man Ban right now, I would marry Ed Robertson in a second if the opportunity ever arose. And he would sweep me off to Canada and we'd live happily ever after eating Kraft dinner.

So snaps to those crazy Canadian Barenaked Ladies and a very awesome Alanis. Snaps to the "green dress guys," hawaiian shirt guy and the guy in the College t-shirt. Snaps to Belvedere vodka (but no snaps to the bartender who made very crappy $13.50 double shot Skyy vodka collins). And snaps to Kristi for being a cool concert companion.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004


Kristi and I are going to Barenaked Ladies/Alanis Morissette on the 30th. In the past it would have been the perfect prescription to rid me of the rat bastard blues. Angry, bitter, jaded and oh so vengeful Alanis and me whaling about humankind's only failed gender - the male.

But the Alanis I'll be seeing at the end of the month is not the same Alanis I knew circa '96. This Alanis is healed, happy, peaceful. She's engaged for crying out loud. And to fu**ing Van Wilder! Coming home from work the other day I heard her on the radio sounding calm and contented. NO!!! Give me nail scratching, fire spewing Alanis. Ryan Reynolds - I am pleading with you to kick her can to the curb until the 31st. Then go off and be married, happy - whatever the hell you want.

Where's that jagged little pill when I really need it?

And for the record - while I really would like to see the old Alanis at month's end, my own bitterness and anger will be significantly dissipated by week's end. Pissed now, but not for long. After all, this guy was no Canadian.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

Superstitions, revisited 

If you're not in the mood for whining, don't continue....

It's no secret that I'm neurotic beyond belief. As a matter of fact, and I say this in all seriousness, if you know of a good, cheap shrink, or would be willing to give me money to see one, I would be deeply appreciative. Really, I desperately want therapy. I'm psychotic, and someone needs to stop me before I go postal. But that aside...

This weekend, I got stood up. I finally gathered up the courage to ask that guy (we'll call him Diet Coke) out from work. Much to my disbelief he said yes, and even called me to confirm late the night before. But the day of, no word. I left two messages, but no response. I shouldn't be surprised though. It's not like this is the first time something like this has happened. In fact, by now, I should be pretty used to this routine.

Of course I went through the whole, "I'm not pretty enough/not skinny enough" BS like I normally do. And of course I went through the whole, "well, maybe he got into an accident or something." But then I thought, "No, you fool. He just wasn't that into you." It's funny because people wonder why in the hell my self-esteem is so f***ing low. It's sh** like this, that's why. Yeah, yeah, there's more to life than guys, but it's hard to see that when everyone around you is being banged or loved or admired, what have you. I should be happier than I am. I'm alive, my parents are alive, I have a good job, etc. But man, does this dating sh** suck.

Michelle and I were sitting there at the Demo Derby on Saturday night, watching Erica from afar and admiring how cute she was looking. And I said, "Look at that dude checking her out." Michelle said it was because she was confident. I said it was because she's skinny and pretty. Sure, confidence plays a part. But I'm sorry, if she were confident but beaten by every branch in the ugly tree, the guy wouldn't have given her a second look. And every single one of you reading this knows I'm right.

Anyway, to get to the superstitions part. I once blogged about not finshing my breakfast in the morning before work because if I did, it meant I would have a bad day. I'm happy to report that that superstition no longer applies. It has been replaced by even better ones.

I can no longer buy lingerie before any kind of date. This started way back in 1999. I bought an "outfit" resembling a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader before I was supposed to go to Texas. What happened (for those who don't know the story) he cut off all contact two weeks before my flight.

In February I bought some really pretty bras before one of the Canadian's lacrosse games. If you don't know what happened with that, then you haven't been reading this blog.

Finally, I recently purchased an outfit on sale at Fredrick's of Hollywood, not anticipating to wear it anytime soon, but because it was pretty and cheap. And as you can predict, I was once again stood up as a result.

Also, I happened to have my car washed on Saturday at the same gas station that I had it washed at on the day I was supposed to meet the Canadian. Coincidence? I think not.

So this is why I need therapy, folks. I'm so conflicted inside trying to figure out if I can't find romantic happiness because I'm not the size of Mary-Kate Olsen, or because my car is caked in dirt. Are there drugs out there for this type of thing?? Because if there are, please get me some, stat. In addition, please get me some will-power pills, pills to prevent procrastination, self-esteem building pills and throw in some optimism pills while you're at it. I'll wash them all down with a bottle of Absolut.

Monday, July 05, 2004

Happy Belated Birthday, America 

A year ago, I was spending the 4th of July in a stuffy Paris classroom dreaming of fireworks, booze and barbecues.

Well not this year, cuz I'm back, baby! Back in the land of the free and home of the brave. And this year I celebrated properly -drinking booze, getting fried in the sun, corrupting America's youth, chomping some burgers fresh off the grill and passing out. I don't think Uncle Sam would have it any other way.

So I hope y'all out there had as kick-ass a time as I did.

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