Friday, March 18, 2005

I'm #1 (for now) 

March Madness is here. Every year our office has a pool and our manager offers up two round trip tickets anywhere Delta flies worldwide. You don't even have to pay to be in, everyone gets an entry. Well, after the first round, yours truly is #1 baby. How the hell did that happen? Well, I was just gonna randomly choose because I heard sometimes people win this thing based on choosing the mascot, or school colors or with no rhyme or reason at all. But then I decided to consult the experts because I really want a shot at this thing. So I just kinda pulled from a few random guys and BAM, number 1. Not even a tie for first, like me alone = numero uno. So I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts because I know it probably won't last long. But wouldn't that be freakin sweet if it did. Where to go? Who to take? Too bad Delta doesn't fly to Tahiti.

Friday, March 11, 2005 

Ode To Anonymous - You chicken shit bitch

Those numbers in the title - that's your IP address. Of course, you probably already know what an IP address is considering you have a degree from the Sally Struthers School of Computers. So every time you called me a slut on the comments, you left that little baby behind. I bet you didn't think I was smart enough to look for something like that.

At first I didn't really care. But then you wouldn't let up. So I ran a trace on the address. It gave me your server information. That gave me a hint about who you were. However, it wasn't until my friend ran a more in depth trace and confirmed the originating city that I knew for sure it was you. And to be honest, it surprised me. I thought we were friends. I guess I was wrong. And so my "friend," this post goes out to you. Instead of confronting you to your face, I'm gonna do it your style - hiding behind a computer.

On being a slut....What can I say except it takes a slut to know a slut. Talk about hypocrisy. Yeah, I've sucked a lot of dicks. But I bet you've FUCKED ten times the number of knobs I've slobbed. In fact, we were at a party once tallying all the guys we've slept with - you couldn't even REMEMBER all the guys you'd nailed. And at least I can safely say I live without VD. Can't say the same about you, you slut.

On being big, fat and ugly.....Honey, you are no Kate Moss. The slut comments - that's one thing. But seriously, you know I've had issues with my weight - AS HAVE YOU!. Thus the reason you avoid sleeveless tops - to cover up those fatty arms of yours.

On wearing low cut tops.....Uhhh, yeah. To quote one of your posts, "cover up. nobody wants to see that shit." Well, apparently all the guys whose dicks I've sucked do. They don't, however, want to see those horrifically shaped jugs of yours. Ewwww.

So, Anonymous - you can see we have a lot in common. What we don't have is a friendship. Have a nice life, you cock fucking slut.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Zoolander - Part Deux 

My nephews were in a fashion show at Nordstrom's yesterday.

I found out about it last minute. I guess my sister was blowing some dough at Nordstrom's when the manager asked if the boys would be in a fashion show. So my mom called me at work Friday to see if I could come down.

The elevator doors open and there's about 10 million kids and future stage moms in line waiting to storm the catwalk. The announcer was saying the kid's name, how old they were and what they wanted to be when they grow up. So when it finally came time for my nephews to take the runway, the announcer says that the boys are 7 and 5 and that Noah wants to be a paleontologist(sp?) and Nicky wants to be a engineer. I thought Nicky was going to run up to the mic and chew the lady for making such a fatal error. Instead he just kinda shot her a look and waited until after the show to come up to my mom and say, "Grandma, they got it ALL wrong. IIIIIII want to be the paleontologist." Noah didn't care. He was content with his tulip-shaped lollipop.

I'm gonna have to have a talk with Nicky though (the older, performer of the two). If he's ever in another fashion show, you don't just walk to the end of the runway and back. You get up there, you turn left and you flash Blue Steel.

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