Crazy Cat Lady

Going for my evening jalk (short for jog and walk because I'm still too fat, er...well, don't have the endurance to jog the whole distance, but jog for long enough for me to not just call it a walk), I've noticed a couple of things. One, I need to leave earlier and earlier now, because it gets darker sooner. Which kinda sucks because I had more time to unwind after work (or well, jury duty) before having to hit the pavement. But also I've noticed the amount of youngins out there in the streets after dark. The other night I left a little late, so by the time I was winding up the jalk it was fairly dark out. Now, being 25 years old (I can still say that for 9 more hours), I don't like being out after dark. But there were a ton of kids out and about when I was coming down the home stretch. I noticed this because not only are they loud, but they get in my way on their bikes, or worse those motorized scooters they tear around the corner on. Ya know, if I'm bitching about this now, I know I'm destined to be that old maid on my porch with my 50 cats screaming at the kids to get off my lawn. But anyway, my question is, what ever happened to "in the house when the street lights come on?" That was the going rule when I was growing up, at least during the school year. Summer was a different story. When the street lights came on, I was letting Art Beltran lip molest me behind our neighbors dumpster. But seriously, these kids are out and about with no parents to be seen. It's not just because they annoy me, I'm actually concerned for their well-being. It'd be different if there were an adult in sight, then I wouldn't be so disturbed, but I know if I were a parent in this day and age, I'd be keeping tabs on my kid's whereabouts when the sun went down. But then again, that's just me.

Next Saturday, October 2nd, I'm walking for the Alzheimer's Association of LA. I could really use any support (read: money) I can get. I'm not asking for much, because I know that if you're like me, you're pretty poor. While I have committed to giving up the amount equal to a night's worth of drinking (kind of a lot for a booze hound like myself), all I ask of you is the equivalent of a single drink (preferably a mixed drink). If you can donate more, freakin awesome! Any amount given is totally appreciated.

Alzheimer's is a really shitty thing. If you've ever watched someone suffer with it, you know how horrible it is. My grandmother had it. I would fight back the tears during my visits with her. It killed me to see what this beautiful, talented, generous woman had been reduced to. And so I am walking for Anita Pearl Grauer.

If you are able to help me out, you can visit my donation page....

http://www.kintera.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=58937&u=58937-1511210&e=136969002

Thanks guys.

Me and some work pals. I'm the blonde (in case you didn't already know that). 

I'd say it was a pretty sweet night.

Went to see Jay Mohr at the Brea Improv last night. Thanks to Michelle and her slickness, not only did we get seats down front and center, but also a round of free drinks and an introduction to Mr. Jay Mohr himself. Pretty freaking awesome if you ask me. I think the only other time I've actually been introduced and shook a celebrity hand was in high school when my cheer advisor arranged for us to meet Joey Lawrence at a taping of "Brotherly Love." So snaps and shout outs to Michelle for making my return to society a cool one.

Part 2 took place at The Continental Room and Heroes. Drinks were strong, but hot guys were not aplenty, although I was once again attempting to get friendly with Phil the Bartender (last seen in my Memorial Day weekend post). But alas it seems the feelings were not mutual. Holly and Michelle seem to think he was into me because he was "asking about me" while I was off admiring the picture of the baby mullet. (I personally think that a guy asking "what is she doing?" isn't necessarily asking about me, but that's just me.) But when I was talking to him and (I think) hinting that he should come hang out with us, he gave me the old "I gotta be back here at 10am" line. Now I don't think that it is coincidence at all that just the day before, I watched my TIVO'd episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and Elaine pick up the car from valet and it reeks with such a stench of BO that the smell never dies and it follows them everywhere. The relevant part is, Elaine goes to her new man's house thinking "tonight might be the night" when he gives her the old "I gotta get up early" line. She can't figure out why (she's unaware at this point that she still stanks) and Jerry says guys will always trade sleep for sex. Not that I was gonna F Phil the Bartender or anything, but it's still the same idea. So sorry gals, the wisdom of Seinfeld takes precedence over your instincts. But it's cool, I'm not heartbroken or anything so have no pity for me. I had a hella cool ass night.

Because of my now weekly Monday through Thursday absences from work, Fridays are going to be a little bit hectic. However, no matter how busy the Friday, there's always a little time for goofing off. Today's distraction was using Stacey Chung's necklace to predict how many kids we will have, and what the sexes will be. She dips the necklace into your palm then draws it up. If it goes in circles, it will be a girl. If it swings back and forth, it's a boy. She repeats this process until she draws the necklace and it stops. So Rebekah went first. Poor girl is going to be tired. The necklace circled first for her, which was appropriate because her first born was a girl (little Abagail Penland =). Then the necklace kept going and going. I think she wound up with four or five kids before she was done. So then I stepped up. Stacey pulled the necklace and it swung, so she declares, "first one's a boy." Then goes again and it stops dead. She seemed a little disappointed because I'm only going to have one child, and I was like "Honey, that first born boy is also going to be the last born because that little piggy was a mistake, and once he's out he's locking the door behind him. "

So there it is folks. Gymboree here I come.

Folks, the system has selected yours truly as a primary juror in a trial that is going to last for 4-6 weeks. That is all that I am able to disclose at this time. But when this puppy is over, I'm going to post EVERY LAST DETAIL. So stay tuned.

I came home from San Diego today, and when I walked in the door my mom told me that my neighbor died. We knew he'd been sick and in and out of the hospital, so we had kind of expected it. So when she told me, it was like God, that sucks, but that was it. Until just a little bit ago. It's funny how you hear news about something and it doesn't sink in right away. This is a man who I have lived next to for 25 years. A man who made me laugh at his neighborly antics and smile at his sweetness. He loved my nephews. When they'd run screaming towards him in his garage, we'd yell at them not to bug him. But he loved the attention. Him and his wife were at the age where any attention was welcome. Their kids were grown and busy - visited when they could. But for the most part it was just the two of em. A few years ago there was this stray dog that was hanging around the neighborhood during the wintertime. I was feeding her behind my dad's back, but he soon figured it out when the dog wouldn't leave our front porch. So before sending this poor dog to the pound, I talked Art into taking her in. He named her, "Pal." Art wasn't too happy with me when Pal popped out 6 puppies a few weeks later. Who knew? But he built her and her babies a nice big doghouse and took care of them until they could all find good homes. He was such a sweet old man and it really sucks that I'm never gonna see him sitting out in the garage enjoying the afternoon, or that he's never gonna invite me over for a game of ping pong again. Damn.

This rant has been long overdue. ***

Here's a little story for everyone. Joe Obnoxious is in the market for an SUV. A big one. Probably because he has a small penis. Joe heads down to Ford of Orange and lays down a chunk for an Exclusion, Excursion, Expedition.... whatever the hell they are called. The second Joe signs on the dotted line, a funny thing happens in his brain - he no longer can comprehend the meaning of the word "compact." You see, Joe thinks it's okay to park that fat ass gas-guzzler of his, in a spot that is ten times too small for a vehicle of his size, one that's so small that it's creator decides to title the space "COMPACT." Same thing happened to Lazy Mary. Lazy Mary couldn't stand to park 10 feet further away in a bigger space, so her, her fat can and her tank of a Tahoe wedge themselves in between two Kias. Who cares if the car next to you can't open their door?? You got a better spot! Way to go Lazy Mary! The worst of them all is Douchebag Dave. Douchebag Dave is so inconsiderate of other drivers that he decides to take up two spaces with his car, regardless of it's size. I guess the poor douchebag doesn't want anyone to accidentally chip his paint should they open their door a little too wide. Understandable, were he to park out where it wasn't heavily populated, but nope, add him to the list of lazies. I'd be careful though DD, if I had just a little more crazy in me (and from the looks of things that's not too far off) I would take the key to my compact Nissan 200SX and run it the length of your car, and leave you a nice little note to accompany that beautiful new accessory.

**Yeah, you all knew I was crazy, but don't judge me because I know there are things out there that make you as equally insane.