Crazy Cat Lady

I've decided it's over. I spent all weekend with you and came to the conclusion that it's just not working out between the two of us. I know that we've been together for over 11 years now, but I just don't like who I am when I'm around you. Not only do you make me do obnxious things, but you also make me look bad. And the older I get, the more you make me want to throw up. We went to the Angel game on Thursday night and yeah, had a blast. But then I got home and you made me forget that my blinds were open when I was changing into my pajamas, and who knows which of my neighbors have probably seen me naked now. I spent all day Friday trying to get you out of my head and got nothing accomplished that day as a result. But stupid me decided to give you another chance on Friday night. I'm such an idiot. I had no idea you were going to make me piss in the parking lot at Knott's Berry Farm! Had I known that I would have kicked you to the curb a long time ago. But nooooooooo, I'm a glutton for punishment. It didn't help the situation when you made my friends turn the car high beams on me while I'm trying desperately to empty the tank and not get any on my leg. That's quite a task for a female you know. And like usual, I spent all day Saturday sleeping so I wouldn't have to think about you. However, I really hate myself for taking you back last night. I just wanted to have a nice evening celebrating Leonard's birthday. But because of you we had to leave early, AND I had to try my hardest to pretend that I hadn't been hanging out with you when I got back to my parents house (because they REALLY hate you.) In fact, you made me so sick that I had to spend 15 minutes in the bathroom where their kitten sleeps and vomit up all the evidence that we had been together. All while the kitten was climbing up my back and chewing on my hair. I will admit that there are some redeeming qualities about you. We do usually have a great time together, and you give me the confidence that I severely lack when you're not around. But I just can't do this anymore. I know we were supposed to hang out next weekend, but I'm going to have to think long and hard before I let you touch my lips again. Though I know you'll win me back. I've always found you pretty irresistable.