Thursday, July 28, 2005
Good friend, bad friend
Bad friend
----------------
-I won't return your phone calls for a long time. Unless it's a dire friend emergency.
-I won't send you a card for your birthday.
-I'll probably forget your birthday.
-I won't RSVP to your event in time (sorry, Kim =)
-I'll beg you to hang out and wait for me while I hook up with a guy.
-I'll give you crap about your crappy boyfriend, ex-bf, etc.
-I'll make you listen about mine.
-I'll brag about the great sex I'm having, even when I know you're not having it. (It's not done maliciously though, just out of the pure excitement that I'm having great sex).
-I'll complain and rant when I'm having bad sex.
-Even when the chain email you send me has a disclaimer saying "if you love me, you'll send this back to me," I won't send it back to you.
-In fact, I'll break that fucking chain letter right then and there.
-Then I'll bitch about the fact that you're loading up my inbox with that shit.
-I'll make you come pick me up from Outback when I lock my keys in my car.
-I'll make fun of you when you're worthy of being made fun of.
-I won't drive you to the abortion clinic.
Good friend
-----------------
-I will lend you a slight hand in raising the child you didn't abort.
-I'll hold your hair when you're puking up your guts.
-If we're close enough to exchange presents at Christmas, more than likely I'm actually gonna put thought into it and get you something I think you'll like.
-I'd back you up in a fight.
-Unless of course, they outweigh me by 100 pounds, then you're on your own.
-I'd call the ambulance for you though.
-I will call your boyfriend's place and pretend to be a wrong number to see if another girl
answers.
-I would take you to the hospital if you were ill.
-I will drive you by your boyfriend/ex's house in the middle of the night so you can see if he's lying about being sick, or just because you want me to.
-I would come pick up your drunk ass and make sure you got home safely.
-If we're at work and I notice one of the office lame-o's planting himself at your desk and not shutting his yap, I will call you up and pretend that I need your help with something urgent until he moves his chatty ass away.
-I will jump on the grenade at a bar to ensure that you score with the hot guy.
-I will let you tell embarassing stories about me to entertain the company we're with.
-I'll ask you how your family is doing and actually care.
-I'll be there for you when you need me, because you're my friend and I love you.
----------------
-I won't return your phone calls for a long time. Unless it's a dire friend emergency.
-I won't send you a card for your birthday.
-I'll probably forget your birthday.
-I won't RSVP to your event in time (sorry, Kim =)
-I'll beg you to hang out and wait for me while I hook up with a guy.
-I'll give you crap about your crappy boyfriend, ex-bf, etc.
-I'll make you listen about mine.
-I'll brag about the great sex I'm having, even when I know you're not having it. (It's not done maliciously though, just out of the pure excitement that I'm having great sex).
-I'll complain and rant when I'm having bad sex.
-Even when the chain email you send me has a disclaimer saying "if you love me, you'll send this back to me," I won't send it back to you.
-In fact, I'll break that fucking chain letter right then and there.
-Then I'll bitch about the fact that you're loading up my inbox with that shit.
-I'll make you come pick me up from Outback when I lock my keys in my car.
-I'll make fun of you when you're worthy of being made fun of.
-I won't drive you to the abortion clinic.
Good friend
-----------------
-I will lend you a slight hand in raising the child you didn't abort.
-I'll hold your hair when you're puking up your guts.
-If we're close enough to exchange presents at Christmas, more than likely I'm actually gonna put thought into it and get you something I think you'll like.
-I'd back you up in a fight.
-Unless of course, they outweigh me by 100 pounds, then you're on your own.
-I'd call the ambulance for you though.
-I will call your boyfriend's place and pretend to be a wrong number to see if another girl
answers.
-I would take you to the hospital if you were ill.
-I will drive you by your boyfriend/ex's house in the middle of the night so you can see if he's lying about being sick, or just because you want me to.
-I would come pick up your drunk ass and make sure you got home safely.
-If we're at work and I notice one of the office lame-o's planting himself at your desk and not shutting his yap, I will call you up and pretend that I need your help with something urgent until he moves his chatty ass away.
-I will jump on the grenade at a bar to ensure that you score with the hot guy.
-I will let you tell embarassing stories about me to entertain the company we're with.
-I'll ask you how your family is doing and actually care.
-I'll be there for you when you need me, because you're my friend and I love you.
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