Monday, February 21, 2005
Men - Be afraid. Be very afraid.
I usually find time each day to browse the headlines on Yahoo!. I usually come across the same old type crap - Bush is pissing off Europe, an old celebrity dies, Lindsay Lohan's dad robs a liquor store, yada yada yada. Today I came across the headline, "Severed Penis Retrieved from Toilet is Reattached." Turns out some guy and his girlfriend were fighting, then had make-up sex where he proceeded to let her tie him to the windowsill (tie to the windowsill????), then she grabbed a kitchen knife, sawed his peep off and flushed it down the toilet.
I'm sorry fellas, but I can't help but laugh. Now, rest assured that if you were ever to date me, I would never slice off your trousersnake. I'd be too repulsed by the amount of blood. I might put your name on the .....has-a-small-penis.com site, but I wouldn't physically harm little will. But I just find it funny what these women do to discard the thing. Flushing it down the toilet??
This whole story reminds me of a girl that I'm no longer friends with, but who made me laugh pretty hard on occasion. Soon after the Lorena Bobbit incident, she was singing some song she'd either heard or made up. I can't remember all the words verbatim, but it was sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies theme, and went a little something like this......
Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named John
A former ex-marine with a little fraction gone(?)
Late one night after gettin' with the wife
She hopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is. Once hung. Now flung.
And since we happen to be on the subject of wienerectomies, there's a book out there called Dozens of Uses for a Dead Dick by Linda Amstutz. The intro reads, "After severing her husband's penis in June 1993, a Northern Virginia woman tossed it from her car window, and drove away. What a waste! There must be dozens of good uses for a dead dick."
Anybody know where I can get a penis golf tee?
I'm sorry fellas, but I can't help but laugh. Now, rest assured that if you were ever to date me, I would never slice off your trousersnake. I'd be too repulsed by the amount of blood. I might put your name on the .....has-a-small-penis.com site, but I wouldn't physically harm little will. But I just find it funny what these women do to discard the thing. Flushing it down the toilet??
This whole story reminds me of a girl that I'm no longer friends with, but who made me laugh pretty hard on occasion. Soon after the Lorena Bobbit incident, she was singing some song she'd either heard or made up. I can't remember all the words verbatim, but it was sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies theme, and went a little something like this......
Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named John
A former ex-marine with a little fraction gone(?)
Late one night after gettin' with the wife
She hopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is. Once hung. Now flung.
And since we happen to be on the subject of wienerectomies, there's a book out there called Dozens of Uses for a Dead Dick by Linda Amstutz. The intro reads, "After severing her husband's penis in June 1993, a Northern Virginia woman tossed it from her car window, and drove away. What a waste! There must be dozens of good uses for a dead dick."
Anybody know where I can get a penis golf tee?
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