Monday, May 03, 2004
I guess I should start looking into retirement homes
I watched another fabulous episode of Elimidate this weekend. As usual, the female hopefuls were catty and bitchy, just as I like them. In this episode, one of the girls who was 21, asked the other girls how old they were, and when the one girl replied, "25" the youngin goes something like, "God, you're old," then proceeds to remark about how if she (herself) is not married by the time she's 25 she's gonna jump off a bridge (or something to that extent, but it doesn't really matter because I doubt there'd be many missing her).
Which brings me to the topic of this entry - marriage. You've heard a few reasons why I don't want to have kids of my own. Now you're going to hear why I don't necessarily need a husband at this point in my life. First, let me throw out my disclaimer before I get jumped on by those who either are married, are getting married, or desperately want to be married.......
This post applies to my own life, as well as those girls who are dying to be married at my age right now. My thing is, if it works for you - awesome! Same with kids - they're not for everyone, but if they're for you, then fabulous! These are just my opinions, and they don't apply to all. I'm not an expert, I just know what I've seen from others, and it's just the way I feel.
All I'm saying here is, if you are in the mindset to make a remark such as "if I'm not married by the time I'm 25, I'm gonna kill myself" well then wake up and smell the roses, sista. There's an exciting world out there beyond matrimony. I hate to break it to those who believe this, but 25 is not old. Just because the cutoff for most MTV reality shows is 24, it doesn't mean we should be calling AARP the second we pass that expiration date. Now I may be a bad example because, not wanting kids, I'm not too worried about my biological clock. But seriously folks, you have your whole freaking life to be married. My opinion is 1) if you force a guy to get married before he's ready, he's only going to resent you and make your life miserable down the line. 2) If you're super desperate to be married when you're young, more than likely (as Erica pointed out) you're gonna end up settling for the first freak who comes along. (And if that freak is the "right one" then that's wonderful. Just don't settle because you have to be married.) And if there's one thing I've noticed, things do not get easier when you get married, they get harder AND people do not change, so don't think that you can change your man if you're not happy with him now. My boss told me she got married at 26 because her mom told her to get married while she's young because the older you get, the less likely you are to snag a guy. Now as far as I know, Tracy and her husband have a good marriage and happy family and all, but this is what her mom convinced her - that she'll wind up an old hag if she doesn't marry when she's young.
Here's my take.....obviously, I haven't exactly had a stellar romantic past, but if I was in the mindset that I had to be married by 26, 1st kid by 28, next by 30, etc etc, then I'd be miserable. I stress enough about what I'm doing wrong in attracting men to date, but imagine my insanity if I were looking for a hubby. I'd be a wreck. The way I see it is, last year I spent three of the awesomest (word?) months in France - living it up, meeting new people, traveling etc. And if I had the means I would do it again in a heartbeat. But that's not exactly something I can just up and do if I were sporting a ring on my left hand. Part of the reason I don't want kids is because I want to up and go places whenever I want without worry of where to dump the crumbcrunchers for a week. And if I don't have a husband who has those same desires, that will be difficult to do as well.
So basically I'm trying to enjoy my "youth" while I can. If my future husband comes into my life tomorrow, so be it. If it's a committment I'm ready to make, I'll make it. (Though for the record, I know I'm not ready right now.) But I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for him to burst through my door, and i get so f**ing pissed when people act like I should be crying into my pillow because I'm not even close to walking down the aisle. If you wanna know how I feel, watch Bridget Jones's Diary. That's me alright. I'm proud to be a singelton and hope never to be a "smug married." I vow that when I am married off, I'll never ever ask my singleton friends when they're going to "settle down already." For pete's sake the pressure of dating is hard enough, we don't need our "happily married" friends breathing down our backs, too.
And another thing - if I am in a relationship for several years and my man hasn't popped the question - don't be asking me (or him for that matter) why he hasn't. I don't be needing that sh** either. I'm sure that's an issue I'd be dealing enough with trying to figure out on my own, I don't need anybody else joing the inquiry.
This is not a rant on marrieds. If all my friends found the man (or woman) they're gonna marry at 18 and s/he made them insanely happy, and they wanted to get married, then super! I WANT everyone to find happiness. I just don't want them to think it's the end of the world if they aren't married by an age in their 20's. Just my thoughts.
Ok, I'm done.
Which brings me to the topic of this entry - marriage. You've heard a few reasons why I don't want to have kids of my own. Now you're going to hear why I don't necessarily need a husband at this point in my life. First, let me throw out my disclaimer before I get jumped on by those who either are married, are getting married, or desperately want to be married.......
This post applies to my own life, as well as those girls who are dying to be married at my age right now. My thing is, if it works for you - awesome! Same with kids - they're not for everyone, but if they're for you, then fabulous! These are just my opinions, and they don't apply to all. I'm not an expert, I just know what I've seen from others, and it's just the way I feel.
All I'm saying here is, if you are in the mindset to make a remark such as "if I'm not married by the time I'm 25, I'm gonna kill myself" well then wake up and smell the roses, sista. There's an exciting world out there beyond matrimony. I hate to break it to those who believe this, but 25 is not old. Just because the cutoff for most MTV reality shows is 24, it doesn't mean we should be calling AARP the second we pass that expiration date. Now I may be a bad example because, not wanting kids, I'm not too worried about my biological clock. But seriously folks, you have your whole freaking life to be married. My opinion is 1) if you force a guy to get married before he's ready, he's only going to resent you and make your life miserable down the line. 2) If you're super desperate to be married when you're young, more than likely (as Erica pointed out) you're gonna end up settling for the first freak who comes along. (And if that freak is the "right one" then that's wonderful. Just don't settle because you have to be married.) And if there's one thing I've noticed, things do not get easier when you get married, they get harder AND people do not change, so don't think that you can change your man if you're not happy with him now. My boss told me she got married at 26 because her mom told her to get married while she's young because the older you get, the less likely you are to snag a guy. Now as far as I know, Tracy and her husband have a good marriage and happy family and all, but this is what her mom convinced her - that she'll wind up an old hag if she doesn't marry when she's young.
Here's my take.....obviously, I haven't exactly had a stellar romantic past, but if I was in the mindset that I had to be married by 26, 1st kid by 28, next by 30, etc etc, then I'd be miserable. I stress enough about what I'm doing wrong in attracting men to date, but imagine my insanity if I were looking for a hubby. I'd be a wreck. The way I see it is, last year I spent three of the awesomest (word?) months in France - living it up, meeting new people, traveling etc. And if I had the means I would do it again in a heartbeat. But that's not exactly something I can just up and do if I were sporting a ring on my left hand. Part of the reason I don't want kids is because I want to up and go places whenever I want without worry of where to dump the crumbcrunchers for a week. And if I don't have a husband who has those same desires, that will be difficult to do as well.
So basically I'm trying to enjoy my "youth" while I can. If my future husband comes into my life tomorrow, so be it. If it's a committment I'm ready to make, I'll make it. (Though for the record, I know I'm not ready right now.) But I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for him to burst through my door, and i get so f**ing pissed when people act like I should be crying into my pillow because I'm not even close to walking down the aisle. If you wanna know how I feel, watch Bridget Jones's Diary. That's me alright. I'm proud to be a singelton and hope never to be a "smug married." I vow that when I am married off, I'll never ever ask my singleton friends when they're going to "settle down already." For pete's sake the pressure of dating is hard enough, we don't need our "happily married" friends breathing down our backs, too.
And another thing - if I am in a relationship for several years and my man hasn't popped the question - don't be asking me (or him for that matter) why he hasn't. I don't be needing that sh** either. I'm sure that's an issue I'd be dealing enough with trying to figure out on my own, I don't need anybody else joing the inquiry.
This is not a rant on marrieds. If all my friends found the man (or woman) they're gonna marry at 18 and s/he made them insanely happy, and they wanted to get married, then super! I WANT everyone to find happiness. I just don't want them to think it's the end of the world if they aren't married by an age in their 20's. Just my thoughts.
Ok, I'm done.
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